Global Hug Month, Cuz I Said So!

When do you hug?  Should you even think about hugging? Well I am cutting through the hesitation and declaring June as the global month to hug.

Are you ready to get your hug on?  I am ready, willing and able to deliver a hug whenever others are prepared to receive.  Before you begin sharing your hugs in the “Hug Month”, consider how to determine when you should share.

As you consider hugging, think about how any contact with another human being should be pre-approved and then delivered.  Thinking this way seems very sterile and without feeling and yet in today’s world sharing contact and emotions, associated with your physical contact, are too often closely scrutinized.

 For example, when I was a public-school teacher physical contact with students was not recommended.  As teachers we were given guidance for how to avoid sharing a hug while allowing for the presumption that hugging children is not safe or even wrong.  As I reflect back on this mindset I was concerned about our children’s view of their teachers and how gauging human contact could influence their emotional well-being. 

As a math teacher I looked at grades and scores to measure my success as a teacher.  On the last day of formal classes my definition of success was altered and enriched by the actions of a female six grader. 

 Earlier in the school year this six-grader told me she was not good at math and that I should not expect much from her.  After smiling for how cute she was in stating this revelation I asked her why she believes she is not good at math (you should know this student was in my advance math section).  When I reminded her, she was in the advanced math section she said that was why she said something so I would not be disappointed.  Once again, another smile.

 In the days to come I pointed out to her how well she was scoring on her assignments and quizzes, as evidence she was not only good at math but was a leader in her study groups, as she taught others.  I asked her again, “Are you good at math?”, and she said, “I think I have improved?”.  Once again, I smiled and followed up by saying “Why do you believe you are not good at math?”, and she said with a serious tone, “My dad says girls are not good at math.”.  It felt like the longest pause before I spoke.

 I asked her, “Does your dad know how good you are doing in math class?”.  Her reply surprised me; “I think so. Because when I ask him to help me with my assignments, he says he does not understand this new math.”.  She went on to say even her mother struggled to help her.  When we finished our talk, I restated how good she is doing with her math assignments and that I would see her mom and dad at parent teacher conferences.

 Sitting across from her mom and dad I struggled with how to begin our discussion because the student, their daughter should not be the subject of this conference.  I began with showing the numbers; interim grade averages and scores from the most recent assessments (quizzes or tests).  It was beyond obvious that their daughter was an outstanding math student.  I continued with the numbers showing mom and dad how their daughter measured up to the rest of the class and all sixth graders.  She was in the top 1%.  I took a longer than normal pause before I spoke again.

The pause was long enough that Dad thought the conference was over.  As I ask them to stay a little longer their faces showed the “you set me up look” and here comes the bad news.  They seemed relieved when I continued by saying “your daughter is a leader and a meaningful example to her peers”, followed by “and…”.  I tried to look at both of them when I said, “Are you aware that your daughter does not believe she is a good math student?”. 

 Dad was the first to respond by saying, “How can she believe that with the grades and scores you just showed us?”.  He gave me such a great opening to confront him, but I resisted and simply said, “She heard you say that girls are not good at math and she believes her dad!”  I could have hit him with a bat, and it would not have struck him as hard as the words I shared.  Seeing how he responded was encouraging but what if his daughter was not given the chance to excel?  His words may have influenced her the rest of her life.

 Weeks later when year-end testing was completed, I was dismissing my sixth graders at the classroom door, making sure I wished each one well for the summer.  The last one to leave was her.  Without hesitation she gave me a big hug.  For a brief moment I considered pulling her away, but she stepped back, looked up at me and said, “thank you for believing in me”.  In that moment it was defined how hugs play integral part how I should measure success.

 I also know that hugs come in forms that do not require contact.  They can come from being present and aware of the needs of others, but the best hugs are those when you know there is a need and your embrace communicates gratitude.

So, Global Hug Month, Cuz I said so.  Be aware, share gratitude and give a hug.

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